My god, Scotland says they're off and we're only mildly concerned about whether we get keep Andy Murray, but a bearded baker throws a baked alaska in a bin and reality itself starts to dissolve around our ears.
If you didn't see it, during the baked alaska wannabe baker Diana removed fellow contestant Iain's dessert from the freezer for an as yet unreported amount of time causing it to fall flat. Of course this being Britain and not Narnia, Diana was instantly vilified by anyone who had a TV or a computer.
Already dubbed 'freezergate' by fans of the show and rather worryingly several reputable news agencies, the potential sabotage accusations are matching those hurled at Oswald by the Warren Committee. Paul and Mary then kicked out Iain because, having thrown his ruined dessert in the bin, he had nothing to show for his efforts. An social injustice rivaling child poverty and benefits fraud. The nation, and the other bakers looked on aghast as the deadline arrived.
Further salt was rubbed into the wounds when Diana presented her baked alaska in the shape of a swan. Contestants and judges and have taken to radio and twitter boasting science facts about cooling rates but it's falling on deaf ears. Diana is blaming the BBC editors while others are wondering whether Iain was really crying on the grassy knoll. You can catch the full story tonight on BBC 2 at 9pm.
What really happened? We may never know. What's important to remember is that Diana did remove the dessert but then forgot about it. Because she's on TV and the pressure is on. And because this is The Great British Bake Off and not the Sopranos. Just a thought.
