Chris Moncrieff rounds up the year's funniest and most bizarre comments from the mouths of the famous
January
When I fall in love with somebody, I want to mate with them Ulrika Jonsson
Heart-throb? You should see me in the morning. Even the dog runs Actor Sam Worthington
Sex sells. But you pay a terrible price yourself Christine Keeler, central figure in the John Profumo affair
February
I've never felt much like an activist. I haven't got the right trousers Actor Bill Nighy
I am like the Queen Mother of homosexuality Sir Elton John
I had a little glimpse of what fame holds, and I decided it held a load of nothing Actress Helen Baxendale, who turned her back on Hollywood
March
Hardly has our young princeling arrived on a tour of the Caribbean than Nancy Dell'Olio shows up, hanging like a hungry fruit bat from the nearest palm tree Author Frederick Forsyth on Prince Harry's overseas trip
Doing a makeover on Ann Widdecombe Celebrity hairdresser Charles Worthington on his most embarrassing moment on camera
April
I am looking for someone who can breed Millionaire baronet Sir Benjamin Slade, 65, advertising for a wife
I don't mind a bit of art. I once spent an enjoyable 30 seconds looking at Picasso's Guernica Jeremy Clarkson
It's the mean, pale eyes. It is something about the whole sinister weirdness of him. With that charisma, he could do anything. He is terrifying, and terrifying is kind of sexy Feminist Germaine Greer admits having a crush on Russian president Vladimir Putin
May
A full-time personal assistant with very thick skin Supermodel Naomi Campbell advertises for a new member of her staff
The strength of my sex drive was greater than the increasing distaste I felt after each sexual encounter Coronation Street star William Roache, who boasted that he had slept with 1,000 women
June
You never did any work on my face. I might just as well have sent my costume on a coat hanger Rolf Harris recalls what the Queen said to him after he painted her, concentrating on the jewellery
Jeez, an OAP throws a party and we all have to suffer Actor Simon Pegg, who was stuck in a traffic jam caused by preparations for the Queen's Diamond Jubilee
You will always remain grounded if you wash the dishes every day and buy your own toilet paper Actress Emily Blunt
July
Nobody could ever hate me half as much as I don't care Comedian Frankie Boyle
The trouble with being an icon is that you don't know anyone who is an icon. There is no cafe where you can go and talk to other icons Actor Sir Michael Caine
August
God gave you incisors, so what's the problem? US comedienne Joan Rivers has a go at vegans
It may look amazing and fabulous and it's really intricate, but sometimes you would rather eat your own feet Downton Abbey actress Lesley Nicol (Mrs Patmore) on the food seen on the TV show
I think the thing people always ought to remember about horses is that they always have the potential to kill you The Princess Royal
September
I do not buy into the Jamie Olivers and Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstalls of this world. Sometimes I wonder, is there no escape from this pair of over-seasoned, organically correct pancake tossers? TV chef Marco Pierre White
Benito Mussolini was not everyone's cup of cappuccino Film-maker and restaurant critic Michael Winner
As he shook my hand... I threw up all over his brown suede shoes Broadcaster and former Tory MP Gyles Brandreth recalls his first meeting with Edward Heath
October
I am happy in my own skin. I love myself. I am not saying this in a narcissistic way. I just like me Singer Chris de Burgh
It is a bit startling to achieve global recognition before the age of 30 on account of your sister your brother-in-law and your bottom Pippa Middleton
People always disapprove of me – when I marry, when I divorce, when I lose weight, when I put it back on. They disapprove of everything Actress Dawn French
November
Most blokes in music look like they've just crawled out of bed with a bad dose of crabs Veteran pop singer Adam Ant claiming that women now control the pop industry
I am a few sausages short of a barbie A jet-lagged Prince of Wales on his arrival in Australia
December
It is now clear to any thinking person that the Tory Party is now a corpse Political commentator and broadcaster Peter Hitchens
He is the sweetest, nicest multimillionaire I have ever met Actor Peter Mullan on Daniel Radcliffe, the Harry Potter star
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