If, like me, you get your kicks from seeing people hurt themselves in the name of entertainment then are you in for a treat or what? The BBC is giving us blanket coverage of the winter Olympics so you're sure to catch every medal, runner up and broken rib going, all in the name of good sportsmanship.
Not to be outdone, ITV's own winter wonderland of painful smiles Dancing on Ice thunders onto our screens at 6.15 tonight promising even more tension than ever. Ice skating, as the numerous injuries over the show's history have shown us, is incredibly difficult to get right. However, I can't help but think that at least 50% of ITV's demographic for this show are only tuning in for the full 90 minutes in the hope of hearing the glorious THUNK of frozen judgement. The sudden wince as body goes one way and ankle goes another.
Oh, and Dancing on Ice judges Torvill and Dean will be performing some of their own moves from their famous Sarajevo routine for the umpteenth time. Y'know, because Olympics and all that.
If you're starting to shiver flick over to BBC 2 at 8pm where the Sochi coverage will have thawed to make room for your nan's favourite guffawing petrolheads. With a collective age that puts some buildings to shame, the Top Gear boys are trying to prove they've still got it by once again playing caricatures of themselves. I wonder if you can guess what happens this week.
Yep that's right, the small one goes to another country to test another car when the big one turns up to ruin the fun with a series of laddish pranks and exploits guaranteed to make you laugh so hard you burst a lung. Oh but wait, the slow one, meaning he adheres to the speed limit, turns up to tell them off but they don't listen of course. Oh they're just so wild and free when will they learn? Probably when the Top Gear tour bus has a 70 mph blow out, hurling them into the central reservation laddish comebacks and all.
Today's best primetime offering is brought to us by Channel 4 at 9 pm. Directed by Danny Boyle and written by the Bain& Armstrong partnership that created Peep Show, Babylon is a comedy drama that follows the efforts of the Metropolitan Police Force to become more media friendly in the wake of a spate of violent outbreaks across the capital.
Exploring the world of police PR in an age of smartphones and twitter, Babylon looks to be the real deal offering an all star cast including James Nesbitt, fresh from Hollywood success with The Hobbit. If you only watch one thing tonight, make it Babylon.